Why It's So Hard to Let Go, and What You Can Do to Make it Easier

by Setareh Moafi, Ph.D., L.Ac.

Your spiritual practice teaches you that suffering comes from attachment. So to end your suffering, all you have to do is become more detached.

Sounds easy, right?

But then the day comes when you get fired from your job, lose a loved one, breakup with your partner, or get into a fight you regret with a friend.

You read your self-help books, your literature on walking the spiritual path and tell yourself not to worry and that it’s not a big deal, but the reality is that you feel worried, that it IS a big deal and that you’re NOT ok.

Logically you know that holding onto the emotions and grievances that come from life challenges don’t serve you. But these struggles are real and inevitable for us all. And sometimes, it doesn’t help to know that to avoid suffering, all you have to do is let go because that’s a lot harder to practice than it sounds.

But why is it that sometimes it’s so hard to let go?

According to Chinese medicine, there are three essential things that need to be supported for you to let go, and if these aspects are not working well you’re likely to have a hard time letting go.

First, you have to breathe through the process and accept it, and this requires Lung Qi. Next, you have to be able to digest or transform whatever’s bothering you, which is a function of the Spleen and Stomach.. And finally, you have to be emotionally settled, which requires that you have a calm mind and Heart.

Let’s explore how the Lungs, Spleen and Stomach, and Heart can challenge your ability to let go, and what you can do to support yourself in the process.

You Have to Accept to Let Go

The first step in letting go of anything is to come into full acceptance of the challenge or emotion with which you’re dealing. In other words, if you’re angry or scared or sad about something that’s going on in the world or in your personal life, you first have to completely accept and embrace the feeling without judgment. Be fully present with the emotion. Only then do you have a place to move from to process it to release.

The Lungs comprise the organ system that most closely relates to your ability to accept and therefore let go of anything.

Your ability to let go is the virtue of the Lungs in their balanced state.

Your lungs are part of the respiratory system, providing a connection between your external and internal worlds through the breath. Inhalation draws in fresh oxygen and Qi, or energy, while exhalation helps you let go of toxins. 

The Lungs' natural movement is to disperse and descend Qi.

The Lungs disperse, or spread, fluids to support Wei Qi, or Defense Qi, which runs on the surface of the skin to protect you during the day and travels into the body to help you sleep at night. This ensures that Wei Qi is equally distributed under the skin and to the muscles to warm and moisten the skin, allowing for a normal amount of sweating, and to protect you from external pathogens that can cause colds, flus and skin problems (see more about this in a previous article).

As the uppermost organ, the Lungs also descend Qi to communicate with the Kidneys, which are said to 'grasp' the Lungs’ Qi, to allow for deep breathing. Dysfunction in the communication between the Lungs and Kidneys can result in wheezing and asthma.

The health of your Lungs determines your capacity to let go.

Weakness in the Lungs perpetuates sadness and regrets about the past.

Strong Lung Qi provides us with greater endurance and stamina and supports us to take more full, conscious breaths. Conscious breathing allows you to be more present and helps you cultivate a sense of mindfulness to support the process of acceptance.

Only when you fully accept the feelings and circumstances you’re in can you begin the process of letting go, and your breath is the first tool to initiate this process.

One essential way to strengthen your Lungs is through regular exercise. This doesn't have to be extreme like training for a marathons or climbing steep mountains, but a simple daily walk is a great way to keep your Lungs strong and vital.

Key tips to strengthen the Lungs: take deep breaths and keep your body active.

You Have to Transform It to Let It Go

The Spleen and Stomach are the primary organs of digestion and transformation of food and thoughts into energy, or Qi.

The Spleen and Stomach transform and transport food and drink, extract their nutrients for absorption in the body, then send the remaining waste to the colon to release through the bowels.

When the Spleen and Stomach functions are weak or their energy is stagnated in the gut, this process is impeded.

In other words, if Spleen Qi is insufficient, your digestion will be weak and rather than gain energy from food and drink, you’ll feel lethargic, bloated and generally uncomfortable after you eat.

These symptoms indicate that the Spleen is unable to transform the nutrients from your food and drink into Gu Qi, or food energy, that then supports the production of Wei Qi to support your immune system.

The energy of the Spleen also ascends to bring energy and fluids upward to support the Lungs to function optimally.

Furthermore, the energy of the Stomach descends and if this movement is stagnated, the function of the Large Intestine is impeded, resulting in constipation and accumulation of toxins in the body.

If this energy isn’t ascending upward into the brain or descending to release toxic waste, brain fog, mental fatigue and lack of clarity and focus can result.

In addition, if the health of the Spleen and Stomach organ systems is compromised, dampness can accumulate, causing you to feel stuck in your life and thoughts, and even cause you to develop patterns of obsessive thinking.

To let go, you have to release thoughts and feelings that no longer serve you and since the Spleen and Stomach govern the transformation of food and thoughts, you have to strengthen these organ systems to transform your thoughts.

The most essential way to support the organs of digestion is to pay attention to how and when you eat.

Take time to cook your meals and avoid eating under stress and eating on the run or while distracted.

To give your digestion even more support, take enzymes with meals to help break down food and prevent stagnation and heat accumulation in the Stomach. Along with a balanced probiotic supplement, enzymes are essential for your gut health, which is the core of your immune function and brain health.

Key tips to strengthen the Spleen and Stomach: take time to cook and eat warm, nourishing foods without distractions, and take probiotics and enzymes to support your gut health.

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You Have to Calm Your Mind to Let Go

According to Chinese Medicine, the Heart houses your Shen, or spiritual aspect of your body which is expressed through your mind. Since the Heart is the primary organ of the Fire element, it can easily become overheated with unsettled emotions that can disrupt your mental state.

The type of symptoms that arise with an imbalanced Heart can range from nervousness to insomnia and in more severe situations involve palpitations, shortness of breath, anxiety, and even mania.

Meditation and self-cultivation practices, maintaining healthy relationships, and literally listening to and following your heart’s desires, all help to quell Heart fire and therefore reduce anxiety, supporting your Shen, or spirit, to rest.

Since Fire energy can generally cause restlessness, it’s important to do practices such as Yoga, Qi Gong and meditation regularly to tame the Heart Fire and calm the mind.

One of the best ways to initiate and immerse in these practices is by going on retreat. The time away from day-to-day distractions is a powerful way to shift your perspective and reset your mind.

Since Fire energy needs to circulate freely, it’s also essential to find creative outlets such as painting, knitting, dancing and anything else that feels exciting and playful.

Key tips to balance the Heart energy: meditate/retreat, be creative and play.

Supporting Your Ability to Let Go

One of the the most effective ways to support these organ systems is through Classical Acupuncture. By focusing on a meridian approach, Classical Acupuncture techniques work to help you not only to rebalance the systems that are impeding your ability to let go, but also to specifically free traumas that keep you stuck in the past so that you can be more fully present in your life.

Naturally, your lifestyle choices will always be important for the efficacy of any treatment. By cultivating a state of acceptance and calm, you can transform anything in your life.

And by strengthening and balancing the energy of the Lungs, Spleen and Stomach and Heart, you’ll be able to let go of anything that no longer serves you so you can live a freer, healthier and more fulfilled life.

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Setareh Moafi, Ph.D., L.Ac. is Co-Owner and Director of A Center for Natural Healing in Santa Clara, California, a health and wellness clinic that specializes in Classical Chinese Medicine and Traditional Japanese Acupuncture. Dr. Moafi offers a one-of-a-kind form of empowerment coaching, clinical services, and transformational workshops and online courses that blend the ancient practices of Classical Chinese Medicine and Yoga. More information at www.setarehmoafi.com. 

How to Allow Yourself to Receive

by Setareh Moafi, Ph.D., L.Ac.

I used to think that to get what I want, I have to strive and work tirelessly. Not until I started to practice Yoga regularly in college did I learn that the opposite is true. The more I practiced, the more I relaxed and the more relaxed I felt the more opportunities came to me.

The more I focused on self-cultivation and being still, the less effort I had to make in my pursuits.

In order to receive what you want, you need to let go and be fully present.

This means that both the body and mind have to be relaxed, clear and calm. I learned this through both my personal practice and through my training with a number of master Yoga instructors, in particular Erich Schiffmann.

Erich emphasized the power of entering the silence and listening for guidance. The one word I heard repeatedly from Erich was “pause.” He encouraged us to listen inward and taught me that the answer to everything comes in the empty spaces between your thoughts, when your mind is quiet.

Mindfulness-based movement practices such as Yoga, Qi Gong or Tai Chi release physical tension to prepare the body to sit quietly so you can experience a quiet, empty mind that allows you to be fully present.

Only when you’re fully present can you tune in to receive guidance that will allow anything and everything you’ve ever wanted to enter your life.

To get to the place where you can receive, you first have to create space by letting go.

As a society of achievers, the challenge for many of us is accepting that only through stillness can we align ourselves with anything and everything we want.

Receiving by Letting Go  

According to Chinese Medicine, the Lungs govern the circulation of oxygen and Qi, or energy. The more deeply you breathe, the more freely this Qi can circulate throughout your body.

Deep breathing practices including Pranayama strengthen the Lungs. In addition, practices such as Yoga asana and Qi Gong, which coordinate breath with movement, unbind tension in the body thereby allowing the Lung Qi to circulate more freely.

As I've mentioned in previous articles, the Lungs are the primary organs that help us to let go. (You can read more about this here and here). As you inhale, you draw in fresh energy and oxygen. With your exhale you release toxins, as well as thoughts that no longer serve you.

Through deep breathing, the Lungs anchor you into the present moment.

The Lungs have an important relationship with the Kidneys. As the Lungs draw in Qi through the breath, the Kidneys grasp this Qi and use it to consolidate the fundamental energy of the body. 

The Lungs also play an important role in harmonizing your emotions through their relationship with the Liver. Whereas the Lungs govern the circulation of Qi, it’s the Liver that ensures the smooth flow of this Qi throughout the body. (Learn more about the Liver/Lung relationship here). Stress of any kind can impede this smooth flow and cause mental agitation and even anger.

The simple act of taking a few deep breaths helps open the diaphragm to release stagnation in the Liver meridian and the Liver system as a whole, and thus smoothes the flow of Qi to regulate the emotions.

In other words, feeling better starts with taking deep breaths. 

When you take a deep breath, you immediately become more present. When you're more present, you feel more in alignment. When you're more in alignment, you're able to receive the messages that guide you to what you truly want. 

Tools to Fine Tune Your Ability to Receive

Years ago, Erich Schiffmann also taught me to wear a stopwatch and set a reminder on the hour, every hour to pause, breathe and be more present in that moment. I encourage you to try this powerful practice.

As the days go by and you pause hour after hour—simply for a moment to stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath—you’ll start to feel a deep sense of calm seep from those moments into every part of your day.

The video below will guide you to practice ujjayi breathing, a simple technique that profoundly calms the mind. You can practice this form of breathing as you pause throughout the day, before bedtime to help you fall asleep, and even integrate it into your exercise regimen.

Ultimately you have to quiet your mind so it doesn’t block your ability to receive what you want.

Have you noticed that when you grapple too much with an issue it just seems to get harder? Then the moment you let it go everything seems to fall into place. That’s because once your mind tunes its frequency away from that issue, away from the struggle and negative thinking, it can receive the guidance to handle that situation.

Only when you turn your focus away from the problem can you allow in the solution.

It’s crucial not just to shift the thoughts you think but also to empty the mind, to fully let go, so you can receive messages or inspiration from a higher source.

Inspiration arises only from a receptive, quiet and undistracted mind.

It’s no coincidence that the word inspiration is related to breathing. The Latin word inspirare means 'to breathe upon' and is also related to the word inspire, which means 'to breathe in.' 

Sometimes inspiration, or what we may call ‘gut feelings,’ aren’t logical. You may be guided to do something even when your mind may be telling you otherwise. 

For example, you go to the grocery store and something tells you to buy extra vegetables. You may ignore this because it logically doesn’t make sense—you’ve picked out enough vegetables for dinner. But this gut feeling always makes sense later. You may go home to find that your daughter has brought her friend over for dinner, and this friend happens to be vegetarian.

As you practice quieting your mind so you can receive guidance in these small situations, you’ll be more tuned in to receive this guidance for more significant situations, like when to quit the job you hate to pursue your dreams.

The process of quieting your mind to become receptive all begins by taking deeper, fuller breaths. Allow yourself to relax more, do less and just be. Only by being present can you allow in all that you’re meant to receive.

Dr. Setareh Moafi shares the importance of deep breathing for your yoga practice and daily life.

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Setareh Moafi, Ph.D., L.Ac. is Co-Owner and Director of A Center for Natural Healing in Santa Clara, California, a health and wellness clinic that specializes in Classical Chinese Medicine and Traditional Japanese Acupuncture. Setareh offers clinical services and transformational workshops that blend the ancient practices of Classical Chinese Medicine and Yoga.